What I am Learning This Season...

Whew! What a question. I feel like God has been showing me that He’ll show up for me if I just trust Him and give everything over to Him. Which is not always the easiest thing to do.

If you know me, you know that I like to be in the background. I’m not big on being in the front. To me, it’s just too much pressure to be in the front and I like to be hidden and in the back. I’m most comfortable there and, honestly, I think I thrive there. However, the Lord is teaching me that I can also thrive in the front.

It’s been an uncomfortable experience to say the least because it requires me to do things I don’t want to do. In these situations, I had to learn to trust God and give Him all my fears. Cause I be nervous, ya’ll! I’ll go from 0-1 million in no time on the freak out scale.

I’ll get all flustered and in my mind about the worst things that could happen in these situations. That’s just not a good place to be in. So, the only thing that calms me down is prayer. Conversation with my Father. I have to tell Him I'm scared, first. I usually follow that up with, 'I don’t want to do this' (sometimes I pout, haha!) and tie it all together with questioning why I must do it. Then I take a deep breath and surrender. I tell God that if He want’s me to do this then He’ll give me the words, disposition, the ability to do it. I exclaim that He has me and I ask for a way to get it done. I ask for all the help I can get.

You would think that after this, the nerves would disappear, nope. I still get nervous throughout the process and leading up to the moment I have to do it, but my prayer is consistent (or at least I try to be consistent). Every moment I get overwhelmed, I have to stop and pray and allow God to settle me.

God is cultivating gifts in me I didn’t even know that I had. Gifts, that I didn’t even want, to be quite honest, because of what came with them. He’s showing me that He’s got my back in all things. I struggle, sometimes, with acceptance of the call from season to season. Mostly because of what I mentioned above about being in the background when He calls me to be in the front. Other times I question if I’m even called to certain things because I never thought I would be doing them and then suddenly, I’m here, doing it.

So, praying about absolutely everything is key. Since acceptance is a struggle for me, I’ve got to always ask God if this is what He wants from me. Make it clear. Then show me how to do this because I’m scared. I’m learning that God is showing me I can do it during the process. He may not be saying to me vocally, ‘Janeé I’ve called you to do this’, but He’s showing me through how He’s preparing me for each thing and how successful each thing is. He’s proving to me that I can do the things I was most scared of doing with His help. It’s different. Different because sometimes I want that ‘Yes, I’ve called you to this’ statement before I have to jump into something. That’s just not how our Father is choosing to work through me in this season. He’s saying, ‘why tell you when I can show you’. Through Him anything is possible.

So, I want to encourage you to continue to trust our Father in this season. If He’s called you to do something, trust that He will equip you to do it. Don’t put God in a box either. He may answer your search for confirmation by making you do it and the answer is in the process and the result. He works in different ways, and we have to be comfortable with how He chooses to work in our lives and how He chooses to answer, guide and equip us in this season. It can be difficult but know that God has got your best interests at heart. If we continue to trust him, He’ll exceed our expectations.